My sweet child,

If I could travel back in time, I would hold you the way you wanted to be held.

I would sit next to you in the school bus and wouldn’t stop talking to you until I could see your shy smile radiate your face.

I would pick wildflowers with you and skip barefooted on the grass.

I would climb trees with you and pretend that we were the top spies blending in to our environment for the mission.

I would play in the rain with you and go to our secret garden to protect the flowers from the rain.

I would step into the night with you, lay on the grass, and fall asleep watching the stars and moon.

I wish I can go back to be your friend, a loyal companion.

I know the deep pain you feel because I currently feel it with you.

Your feelings were deeply felt for such a tiny person.

Even I as an adult could hardly take such deep pain. How did you survive?

No wonder you were so quiet. No wonder you meditated on death.

God and I are slowly piecing the fractures of your wounded heart back together. Can I tell you that life gets better? Even in the loud darkness, you held onto hope for a better future.

Thank you for being strong all these years and fighting for connection.

God has been kind to us.

He has sprinkled girls through our life that have healed parts of us.

There have been beautiful girls who have made us laugh, have seen us past our pride, have chosen us, have connected with our sweetness, have held our hand, and have gifted us their time.

There is authenticity waiting for you.